One year and 85 lbs later.

The time has come for me to post my long awaited 1st year bandversary entry.

What has my band meant to me? I have asked myself this question many times over the last 12 months.

I’ve come up with a laundry list of ramblings.

Preband – it represented HOPE, Anxiety, and the What if’s of life after WLS
Early Post Band – the what the heck did I do? And WHERE THE HELL IS MY RESTRICTION?
1st Fill anticipation – I AM HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where the hell is my restriction????
2nd Fill anticipation – I am hungry but not AS MUCH or as often
3rd Fill anticipation – Restriction lasts for about 3 weeks
4th Fill anticipation – OK lets clamp this puppy down!!!!!!!
5th Fill anticipation – HOLY CRAP .3 cc’s was too much fill! I am only able to smell foods and sip soup
1’st UNFILL – removal of the .3cc’s was the difference between soup and FOOD……. And is where I’m maintaining at since January 2008.
Also…. Getting an unfill and eating real food is what started the scale moving again.

Things that have amazed me:
I have POWER over my hunger.
I have actually FORGOTTEN to eat.
I CAN eat without drinking
I CAN be full on very little food.

Things that I have realized about myself: Restriction WiseI swell (get tighter) when I’m on my period or when I’m stressed
I am tighter in the mornings and more open in the evenings.
Foods that worked last week, might not work so well this week.
I can raise my hands and do a little shimmy to pop up a stuck item of food

Things that I have realized about myself: Non band
I am a stress and emotional eater.
I crave sweets around my cycle
I am pretty happy and comfy in a size 12
It scares me to HOPE for a size 8 or 10 (because it is unknown to me)
If I COULD eat pizza…….. I WOULD, so keeping a decent amount of fill is what is needed for ME not to be able to.
Dairy Queen has become my go to place for stress eating (and this is NOT a good thing)

Things that I had to overcome once banded:
Realizing that you don’t HAVE to eat multiple plates of food at a buffet in order to “get your money’s worth”
Realizing that people REALLY aren’t LOOKING at how much or how little you eat!
Realizing that you CAN keep your band a secret if you want!
Realizing that fast food joints don’t really offer much choice,
Its cheaper to order an appetizer or alacarte, or split a meal with my 4 year old.

Being banded is NOT rocket science, and for me it has worked well because I knew going in that FOR ME and MY GOALS
I needed to be in diet mode, and truth be told the scale moves when I am IN MOTIVATED DIET MODE. It stalls when I
Go to dairy queen for a small blizzard… but I don’t gain

I chose the band for its adjustability and the hopes that I will for once in my life MAINTAIN a loss!

Would I do it again? In a heartbeat
Will I be rebanded if needed in the future? In HALF a heartbeat!

My band has really given me the power over my appetite and that is priceless.

Journey with me as I enter into YEAR TWO of my banding experience!
Here are my pics:

and as I am today: Size Large shirt from Kohls, size 12 A.N.A. cords from JcPenney
,

A new week A new number A new new

SOOOOOO, last week I managed to go two entire days without any kind of junk... and guess what.. I bouced down to 187!!! WHOOOOHOOOOOOO

Today was bounced back up to 189, but I wasn't as strict over the weekend so I'll take it. I am going to try and stay away from the junk AND I'm going to try and get my water in. I know my body well enough to know that I'd be hovering around 182-185 if I were drinking ANY WATER AT ALL........ this...as every professional dieter knows is a cardinal sin... (not drinking water that is)

Lets recap........... I weigh daily around 6:00 a.m. nekid and after I pee. I also try not to eat after 7:00 p.m.

When I lay down at night I am amazed at how many bones I can feel.. ribs, hips, etc... and also the amazing amount of handfuls of loose skin that is my belly...

I am determined to NOT become complacent in YEAR TWO of my banding journey!

A plan a plan I need a plan....... a plan that I will stick to.

I am sooooooo sick of being stuck.. I hit ONEderland on 1/05/08.. and I keep bouncing from 189-192..... I think its time for me to start a traditional eating plan..... go into regular diet mode.. because obviously this last 30-40 lbs is not wanting to budge.. it is weird to think that I'm a mere 30ish pounds from goal.... surreal really.....

I can tell that my gut is getting mushy and deflated.. it is so weird.. it's like the fat is falling down and settling "down there" so much that a mons lift might be the only cure..... WIERD LOOKING.

Yesterday I wore a size 10 black levi capri, and then after work switched to a size 10 denim capri.. (both had a bit of stretch) but I felt victorious.. as those black levi capri are officially THE SMALLEST THING IN MY CLOSET PRE-BAND.. I got into them for uuuuhhhh a MINUTE the last time I lost weight... yet I was a good 15 lbs lighter than I am now.......... Today I am wearing a size 16 NONstretch Docker pant.. it is loose on the thighs but snug in the waist... go figure.... DH said my butt looked good in them... so I guess I need to quit focusing on sizes and start going for style......(which is also weird)

I have been hitting the clearance racks lately and it is so weird that more than just one or two things fit and I actually have a choice as to what looks good and then refrain from buying 1 in every color.. LOL

Today I started my day with a glass of milk.. and I'm getting ready to go make some oatmeal....... today I'm going to TRY to stay away from the junk that goes down oohhh sooo easily.

Yesterday I had:

pb cookie ok... two
1 bag of popcorn w/real butter melted all over it
a bit of beef stew broth
a bowl of peanut butter icecream on top of a piece of chocolate cake
a glass of milk

..... so yeah.. full disclosure........ there IS room for improvement :)

Monday

Trip Udate: I am booked and my sister is booked to go with me..... Flights were $468so DH opted out and my sis jumped right on board.. she was able to use FF miles so it's alllllllllllll good! GREAT actually! DH told me that my trip planning priveledges were done for 2008. Grunt Grunt.. oh well... I've got my Violets trip in May, Vegas trip in June.... got some of my Lace sisters coming in for a July get together..... I'm helping my HS 20 year reunion team with the online stuff and that will be held in October..... so yeah..... Ok.

The bad thing is...... the scale will not budge.. I bounce from 189-192... I'm telling you my body likes me at this weight/size....

Have a great day!

HOLY MOLY

I called the organizers and HOLYFREAKINGSHIT..... only 12 people have been invited to the conference. THANK YOU THANK YOU to the wonderful person who gave my name to Allergan! So.. me having a big online mouth and the willingness to show my progress in pictures (even the ones with my belly hanging out of my old jeans)..... has given me this opportunity.......... amazing...

OH and DH is onboard with the plan now.

I was so excited at lunch that I forgot to chew my food!!!!

Should I show them my signature PB move????????? (the one where I raise my hands over my head and shimmie to the left/right to pop something back up???) LOL YOu can't see me.. but I'm laughing my ass off right now!

EXCITING DELIVERY

Yesterday I recieved a FedEx overnight packet inviting me to be on the Lap-Band Patient Experience Council.. get this.. the conference is to be held in VEGAS and yes they are paying my way!!!!! I will have to be in a meeting 8-5 on Saturday and 8-Noon on Sunday…….. but HOLY CRAP BATMAN!!!

Suprisingly, my DH was NOT happy not even excited and basically tried to put down the hammer... "WE ARE NOT GOING" WTH??? EXCUSE ME???? It was a longgggg sleepless night.. and this is what I've come up with..... He is totally freaking out on my independence, confidence and overall outgoingness.... (all things that I've always been, but..... have been supressed for most of our 3 year relationship)

This goes back to my NUMEROUS trips down the scale..... the last time I lost 80lbs was right before we met...... so when I met him my butt was a size 12 and I was happy go lucky, independant and living life... part of what attracted him to me right???

Well we became involved, committed and an exclusive couple.. and I began to gain weight..... I would try to get back on the LC bandwagon and he would laugh, roll his eyes, and take me to dairy queen..... I was weak and I gained quickly.... every pound that reappeared would be like a nail in my spirit... so I was shrinking inside, depressed, mad at myself and disgusted with how weak my resolve was.... I was miserable with my fatness....... and even more so when I surpassed my previous high weight of 256..... getting on that scale at 272 was THE low point.. rock bottom..... that is why I ended it there.. I put myself on a pre op diet EARLY.. I started drinking LowCarb protein shakes with one meat meal per day....... and from April 1, to April 26 (day of surgery) I lost 19 lbs........ and its been a ride down the scale and down the sizes ever since..... I am very involved with my Shrinking Violets to the point that we are all meeting in TX in May.... (He supported me and told me to go, and so I booked my flight) He kind of passive agressively freaked out on this last weekend...

I go to my bandster support meetings and he gets a little itchy.....

NOW this.......... I'm getting healthy, looking good, excited about my band and have now been given oportunity to meet the makers of the band and maybe even shape the way its presented, produced, designed etc...... they want MY feedback and they are paying me for my opinion....... how freaking cool is that????? So maybe he's feeling a bit left behind....... a man's ego is such a sentive thing... and I've never been a wall flower.. he knew this from the start.. but maybe just maybe he is a bit threatened by it........

So this post has turned into something else... thats the way of putting thoughts down on paper.... uhhhh errrr computer

However.. I'm calling with my confirmation today....... He IS going with me..... and I've got to get right with my eating cause I'll be meeting a bunch of people from all over the US in JUNE!

Take care peeps!

Sometimes I just suck.......... I knowingly eat the wrong things that will sabotage my weight loss. How many freaking times in my life will I continue to exhibit total dumbass behaviour????

All week, I've been bouncing back up... and did I drink water? NO
Did I put down the cookies? No
Did I stay away from the cookies? Hell NO I ate them for breakfast.

See... total dumbass.

DH said I had a flat ass too........... Lovely

The good thing is (see this is me justifying my dumbass behaviour)
I am wearing a stretchy size medium pant right now, and I can breathe.....

The Sassy Ring is going away.. so I don't know who out there even reads my ramblings.. and I don't really care.. as I do this for my own venting purposes.

OH and I guess this is an NSV......... Earlier this week, I promised my son that he could ride his bike around the block... so anyway a couple times around and I decided to start RUNNING to race him down the street.... (PICK YOURSELF OFF THE FLOOR!) TRACY ACTUALLY RAN....... he was so surprised that he almost wrecked his bike.. LOL.......... don't worry it didn't last long.... but it did surprise the everlivingshit out of me!

Have a great weekend peeps!
Sweet Dreams and Smaller Jeans to you