Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Winding down the year or winding it UP.. YOU CHOOSE

Bringing in the Year

Well, its December 2008........... I had another unfill about 6 weeks ago, bringing me down to a measly 1.4cc's in my 4cc band.

I told my husband last night that I am going to try and keep it at this level because although I CAN eat biscuits and gravy and thin crust pizza... doesn't mean that I SHOULD.

Monday morning I woke up to 189 and it freaked me out..... 189 was my drop dead regain point....... so I started seriously Low Carbing and.... *blush* drinking water! I KNOW I KNOW! Shame on me... but this has been my reality..... I've NOT been a good bandster or good "dieter" lately.. uh months...

The funny part was hearing my "pre-band" mom lecturing me on what I was doing wrong! LOL

So after being good on food choices and water for 2 days, I'm back down to 182.... YES.. I weigh every day........ its the days that I don't weigh that I suck at eating..... the level of water I drink DIRECTLY correlates to the weight on the scale...... i.e. the 7 pound drop since MONDAY.....

So, I type this while eating string cheese and deli sliced turkey breast.. I just finished my 90th oz of water YA ME......

I have to get back to 174 and hit the ever elusive 100 lbs lost mark of 172....

Goal of seeing the 160's by my 2 year bandversary date in April... and pie in the sky goal weight of 150 something.........

OH.... and my moms plane just landed in Denver........ she's getting a band of her very own TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She's the one who clicked her tongue at me saying that I was the guinnea pig for the band... and "We'll See" She watched as my ass got smaller and smaller, she has seen me eat too fast and run to the trash can. She has seen me eat slow and get full fast. She has seen how I actually forgot to eat because I wasn't hungry... She has also seen me NOT BE ABLE TO EAT solid food, when I was too tight. She's heard my frantic call when they unfilled me and I was deathly afraid of being ABLE to eat a cheeseburger.... and unlike my naturally thinner sister... she understands the fear of regain that I will always have because it has always been my reality............... uhhh will I ever shed the fat girl in my head? will I ever NOT have food issues? Will I ever not WANT pizza? Who the hell knows....... I just know that I am in this for the long haul..... I have not won the fight over obesity, I know it will always be an issue.. in my head, in my heart, and on my ass!

Right now.. my step dad has done very well with this latest trip down the low carb scale...... he's down 70 lbs and is the reason why he finally came on board with mom getting banded..... he wants her to feel as good as he does, and he knows the band might just be the little helper she needs to do it....

My band, her band, YOUR band....... all do different things for its owner... for me it has been a little silicone fist to remind me to NOT BE A DUMBASS and eat a small amount OR ELSE see it in the trash can in the same form you swallowed it in! EWWWWWEEEE gross!

Mom just left me a message that their plane landed and are enroute to the hotel. She has an appointment with DR K. later today..... and surgery in the morning!

WHOOOHOOOOO!!!! whether she loses 50 or 150 lbs her knees, and heart will be better for it!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


I'm here, I'm nearly all the way unfilled and my stomach once again GROWELS and it SUPER SUCKS!

So, I have a measley 1.4 cc's in my 4cc band. This is less than my very first fill... I have been able to eat pizza, and the fact that I KNOW this pisses me off.

Yeah, I can't eat an ENTIRE pizza, but I did eat 2 small pieces... I guess in reality this is NORMAL... but what the hell IS NORMAL? NORMAL SNORMAL.... everyone has a different version of normal.

I have now been bouncing 183-185.......... pisses me off...... I was down to 174... I have a fill appointment set up for 12/5/08, and I wiil get a small fill I guess. I sit here *in my size 10's* and think... OK Trace get a freaking grip.. if you could just get your head back into the game, you could easily lose 20 pounds just by watching the carbs and drinking the water.... why get a fill? I don't know I have a week to figure it out. I'm rambling.......... I'm in a rambling mood...... tomorrow is turkey day and I will be able to eat...... last year I took a can of soup with me.. YES YES YES I KNOW............ that was way too tight.....ahhhhh...

OK.. in other news.

MY MOM IS GETTING BANDED IN DENVER!!!!!!! She flies into the Mile High City on 12/10/2008! I am so stinking excited for her! Even if she just loses 50 lbs her joints will feel so much better! (I'm betting that she drops at least 80) I can not wait!!!!!!

I had a Mammogram scare........... but thank you Jesus it was deemed NORMAL.

SO.... thanks for reading my ramble,

I still love my band......
I'm still loving my size 10 levis (but my 12's are more comfy)
I wish my stomach would quit making noise
I WILL see the 160's in 2009!

I am THANKFUL for my life and the loves in my life. I am blessed.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Wow! Thanks Amber!

Amber nominated me for a blog award....... holy crap!

I am sucking wind today........ and have been as of late. Stress is getting the best of me. I've been eating a lot of crap food, and the scale is still bouncing from 176-183........ still wearing size 10's and size 12's......... I just don't have much to say. I think my restriction is at the right level, but my head is not in the game....... working on it.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Tuesday Ramblings

Well, my second PS consult was supposed to happen today, but I cancelled (for now).

I am going to the Chiropractor for discuss what my xrays and electrode test showed, as my back has been chronicly in pain... perhaps due to to my two bra issue... who knows.

My son is having issues in daycare, and my 13 year old step son ended up in the ER yesterday, 26 stitches later....... I am about at my wits end.

A friend is in town for a dr appointment today and I'm cutting out of work to meet her for lunch.......

I am still bouncing 176-183.... depending on the amount of water I drink.....

I am snugly in my size 10 Levis though and thats a good feeling!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Wearing two bra's suck!

I have been as of late wearing two underwire bra's and right now its hurting like crazy.

My boobs are long and deflated and although the ps showed me what they "could" look like, I found myself outside their office bawling my eyes out....... so close, but so far.... long story short I was quoted a price and terms and by the time I was booking the hospital everything got extremely inflated and I basicaly got pissed and told everyone to STOP! STOP NOW! WE ARE DONE! GOODBYE! and with head held high on principal I walked out, past the barbies working the front desk, down the posh elevator, across the freshly lanscaped walk.... to my truck. My heart skipped a beat when the finance girl came running out after me........ I was hoping she was going to "used car salesman" me, but no, I had forgotten my insurance card. After I politely smiled and thanked her...... and she was safely inside the building. The tears of frustration came pouring out. The pissed feelings of wanting to scratch her eyes out, the feelings I really didn't know I had of inadequacy....... all those years of NEVER being thin enough, good enough, smart enough, whatever..... I was close but no cigar.

I really had to do some soul searching as to WHY getting a TT and Breast Lift was so damn important to me, and this is what I've come up with......

I've never been or felt that I was of a normal size (even when I was) I'm as close to "Normal" as I have ever been right now, and I guess getting this sack of potatoes cut off the front of me and getting my NEVER perky boobs, up where they should be, .. and then having all this be right within reach and POOF... gone, I kind of felt that this was the universes way of slapping me with a reality check, saying NO, NO, Tracy..... you are STILL unworthy of joining us in the "normal sized" world. I know this is so out there, but it is how I felt, and why I haven't posted in 12 days. I've kind of been on a food porn fest...... I knew I was going to binge, but I managed NOT to, I was afterall aware of my up and down the scale nature... and why I've lost 80-100 lbs now 5 times...... I did eat a ton of cookies last week and I shit you not, I found out that homeade wontons by my sis's MIL went RIGHT THROUGH MY BAND....... 8-12 went down without a SINGLE pb! Not a proud moment, but a scarey one... The fact that I can still eat a DOZEN of anything! Well that f'ng nuts! My goal right now is to STAY in the 170's........... if I do this shit to myself til Christmas still bouncing around the 180's I'm going to get a small refill.

OK.. so now you know...... I still suck, I'm still a fat girl in my head, and the game is long from over......

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Kicking it LowCarb!

Good Morning! I am so stinking proud of myself........ I have eaten Clean, BASIC low Carb for 3 days, drank my water, stayed away from dt dr pepper and I had a WHOOSH this morning! back down to 176.4! I go for my PS consult tomorrow and I really want to be at the weight I told them I was... 175.

yesterdays menu was:

Coffee w/sf creamer
B: Weight Control Oatmeal
L: Tuna and Egg salad (made with mayo and brown spicey mustard)
D: 2 eggs over easy
honesty: 1 bite of crusty monkey bread (think donut hole size)
then I was so ticked I spent the rest of the night in my room! LOL
S: Hot tea with splenda and a bit of sf creamer

right now:
coffee w/sf creamer
Carbmaster Vanilla Yogurt (3 carbs)

Lunch: my boss is taking me out, so I'm opting for Mexican.. I know I can be ok with Chicken Tortila Soup.

Dinner: I have pork steak covered with cream of mushroom soup in the crock pot at home......

This is the BEST I've eaten in MONTHS, maybe even a year!


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love ya.. tomorrow

I have my first ever PS consult tomorrow..... I've already chickened out of one, but not this time. I want a dr to tell me what if anything they can do for this HIDEOUS floppy body! As with a lot of people who've lost a lot of weight...... I look good in clothes, but naked.............. eeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkk!

and my sis is tying the knot to her long time love at the courthouse! She is having a really shitty day today and it is freaking hilarious! Everything from a big zit on her neck to her daughters braces breaking wires....... not to mention getting something stuck in her eye and washing off half her makeup in the office bathroom! LOL I'm trying to coax her into sending me a pic with her phone, but right now she is saying that the camera isn't working! HA

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Help send my Scout to Camp!

Hello all!

My oldest step sons Boy Scout Troop is selling Popcorn as their main Camp fundraiser this year. The cool thing is you can go order online, and have it shipped right to your home. and it is really tasty too! and Band friendly ;)

Please go to:
and use the following order key: TENX56H
This will bring you to a screen that is tied to Cody W.

Their troop is planning a trip to a Colorado Scout camp next year!

Thanks for looking!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Back to Band Basics Damn it!

TODAY is the day I GMAIG! (get my ass in gear)

I'm am making a REAL effort to eat legal and drink at least ONE glass of water!

So far today:

Coffee w/sf creamer
1 large glass of Calorie Countdown Chocholate Milk (over ice)
1 tuna lunch kit. (which I inhaled and is now coming back up) BLECH!

Lunch: TBA.. looking in my office stash... hmmmmmm my choices:
1. Great Value Chicken Noodle Soup (Cal: 120, Carb 16, Protien 6)
2. Campbells "Chunky" cheddar potato with bacon bits Soup (Cal:320, carb 46, protien 8)
3. Campbells "chunky" steak and baked potato soup( Cal 420, Carb 42, Protien 18)

Looking like #3 for protien and although its a lot of carbs and calories

Dinner: Grilling steak....(the goal will be to eat slowly and chew the hell out of it so that it doesn't come back up)

OK.. so I'm going to publish and go get some water!

Tracy signing off and making a real effort to GMAIG!

Scale 180 today

Friday, September 12, 2008


Nothing much to say, but I wanted to post SOMETHING!

Its raining, and so I went to my favorite place for Potatoe Soup for lunch...

Belly is full.

Eyelids are heavy.

3 hours of work left.


Thursday, September 4, 2008

I feel so fat today!

Yeah, Yeah, come slap me upside the head.. I feel fat in my size 12 jeans! Funny how our perspective changes.... since I've been wearing mainly 10's as of late.

I have been eating like total shit..... I don't know why, I know it must stop.... if only I had a food slapper.... but then it would just piss me off and I would eat anyway....... I know that my pants are tight today and I feel soooooo bloated..

OK.. enough bitching....

The other issue going on is that my mom has been diagnosed with a rare disease

Postirradiation Morphea of the Breast.. in short it is tissue reaction to her prior radiation. (She had breast cancer in 2001, a lumpectomy and radiation) This condition generally appears 6-12 years afer radiation exposure. The affected skin is regenerating and in effect OVER regenerating, so much so that the cells are not being allowed to expand which is making her breast, RED, ITCHY, HOT, and TOUGH... and I mean the texture of a basketball.

They are injecting steriods deep into the tissue... and also gave her an ointment to thin out the skin. The injections are painful THINK INK...this is similar to how they are treating it, except that they have to really press those needles through her basketball texture of her breast... I nearly passed out hearing her scream in pain. It was freaking horrible........ a tray of 10 needles to start... YIKES.

The upside is that something seems to be working, she goes back in 2 weeks for more injections. I will be mentally prepared but I don't know if she will be...

So... anyway.. I have not weighed lately.... I fixed Chili in the crock pot for tonights dinner, and I have a PTA meeting... my 2nd meeting...


Thursday, August 21, 2008

Attack of the Unfil!

So, I had a tiny unfill about a week before Sturgis. Didn't really notice much change during vacation.. but holy hell it has loosened up like crazy over the last week! I feel like I could actually eat a nice big juicy greaseladen bacon cheeseburger WITH bun..... haven't tried it............. yet. LOL

Seriously though, who would of thought .4 cc would make this much difference. I can NOT stand feeling hunger! It sucks big time, but I must admit its been nice not pb'ng everything and NOT having heartburn...... so I guess this is me maintaining and trying to wrap my head around getting on a plan.

I had gotten down to 176......... then back from Sturgis I was 186, and since I have been bouncing around 178-180 (today was 180)

Oh and I cut my hair. DH hates it but everyone else loves it including me.. and that is what counts. DH has stopped shaving in retaliation, but I just told him that if he wanted to look like an ass to go for it.... and so he has. ho hum

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Back from SD!

I'm back, I'm tired, I'm bloated from all the nachos that I ate... we shall see what damage I've done.

Had a great time, weather was beautiful, the scenery is most awesome when viewed from the open air of a bike......

Shown here.. a self portrait inwhich I caught George in as well! COOL!

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Off to Sturgis

Slight unfill has not been so bad...... I haven't had heart burn at all. I am still too chicken to eat something crazy.. but I'm sure I will be testing the waters next week.

Later Peeps.

oh 179 today.. damn period!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Toying with a slight Unfill SCAREY

I did it.................. .4 cc is gone......... and my stomach actually GROWLED!!!!

I am not going to lie.. I am freaking out about feeling actual hunger again.

My band has been the total FREEDOM from hunger pains.....

By my calculations I started today with 3.7 cc's in my band, she took .4cc's so that leaves me 3.3 cc's! AHHHHHHHH this basically takes me back to OCTOBEER 2007 fill levels....... ok.. heres a vent...........

See..... I've been frequenting the Low Carb Friends /Atkins Friends forumn since 1999...... it was small and a totally different layout.......... but it was on LCF that I found a home... and hence my first trip DOWN the scale......... getting down to 172 lbs..... all by doing STRICT, and I MEAN STRICT Atkins Induction levels for a year.......... I got happy, lazy and BAMMM! Regain #1............. back up to 256........ 2003, did it again, and again in 2005....... so going into 2007... I decided to get a lap band installed to HELP with the maintenance and losing again......... FILL FILL FILL I screamed........... then I got too tight... and I stayed TOO tight during the holidays 2007 because I was AFRAID of gaining .. by January I HAD to get an unfill..... my husband was pointing out how ridiculous it was that I was not eating and if I did eat.. it would not go through........... so January I had .3 cc taken out and it was the difference between sipping broth and food........ but lately.... I've been having heartburn like crazy.. and NO... I haven't been flushing my pouch or any of that.......... and I CAN eat crunchy tacos, nachos, thick soup and crock pot meat............. but a friend emailed me and said that she had really bad heartburn and could eat more than she thought........... she went in and found out that she had stretched her esophogus and he totally UNFILLED her so that she could heal for 5 weeks.

THIS FREAKED ME OUT............... so after last night having really bad heart burn....... and 1/2 a bottle of rolaids later..... (and I wore size 10's yesterday) I decided that I would go get an unfil today........ I LOVE LOVE LOVE MY BAND and I don't want to hurt it or make it to where I have to get unfilled... (yeee gawds thats scarey)...........

Now......... 3.3 cc's in a band that is marketed to hold 4 cc's is still way more than the average joe.......... but for me...... I know that I will be able to consume things I shouldn't............ but my hope is that I will BE A BETTER Low Carber! ...........

and I gotta tell you when my stomach growled... I about cried....... MY STOMACH HAS NOT GROWLED AT ME IN A YEAR!!!!!!!!!! but then after I freaked out... I looked at the clock at it was 11:30 a.m. (DUH Lunch time.. I SHOULD BE HUNGRY) but I don't like it one bit.

I am being 100% honest here......... my husband, told me to snap out of it, because he pointed out.. its not like 95 lbs is going to jump back on me.. I can always go get more fill if I feel I need it....... and friends on other forums can attest to the fact that as little as .1 cc can make a difference........... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

OK.. I'm done now.

the good thing is the docs office was extremely happy with my loss because to them I'm down 25 lbs since January when they last saw me........

OH and AF is due today............ so LOVELY water retention here I come!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I have a band baby and more!

NO I AM NOT PREGNANT! (1 son and 3 step sons.. gawd forbid) LOL

But.. I have inspired a family member to get banded.. he did so in Mexico last week. We'll call him Betty. This pic is HORRIBLE of me as I was in the middle of bike washing and yard work, when he called needing a personalized pep talk... He is doing great.. shown here 2 days post op and a flight to KS later he is doing good...
He looks pretty beat up because he also had surgery for Colon Cancer last year *note the OPEN incision*

His biggest complaint is that he was hungry! (and BIL was fixing carne asada taco's) I explained bandster hell and that he was in it! LOL... anyway watch for Betty Updates. He was 70 lbs overweight.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Happy Monday

I have added a WEBcam to my site for the next month. We are heading to Sturgis, SD for bike week. It will be my 5th or 6th time, but the first time for hubby. We are keeping it low key by camping outside Mt. Rushmoore, but really unless you camp at "the Chip" or Glencoe, your times will NOT be wild.

I've got an extremely busy week.... Doctor, Dentist, Kids apts... and I'm also going to appointments with my mom in relation to her suspected breast cancer. Please say a prayer for her. I joked last night that my diet of Taco's and Icecream is a nutritionists nightmare, and a BAD example for would be bandsters... SO DON'T DO IT!

I will say this... it is pretty cool when 1 beef taco and 1/2 of a fried icecream is considered TOTALLY PIGGING OUT! Scale was 178 today.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Back to Reality!

Back from Vegas, Back from Camping with all my Lace sistah's......
back to work, back to getting on track with my eating, back to housework!

I hadn't weighed since leaving for Vegas........... LUCKILY I only bounced 3 lbs!
whew...... One of my Lace Sisters has been doing Induction Levels of LC for a year now and she looks AWESOME! She has also been getting up and running... (even while camping) she ran, and stayed on plan............. when we all went to Dairy Queen and I had a small thin mint blizzard.......... she had diet coke... damn I'm proud of her! HATS OFF TO YOU FIREDOG! YOU ROCK!

Monday, June 30, 2008

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I got to 179 BEFORE VEGAS!!!!!!

I was looking at my weight chart (and xcel spread sheet that I created in 2003 after Robby was born.)

I’ve hit a new low on it……. I guess the lowest I got the last time ( in 2005 ) was 181.2.

The FIRST time I did Low Carb back in 1999 – 2000 I did get to 174.

I can not believe I am closing in on 100 lbs lost!

Looking back I hit 189.4 on 3/25/08……….. so, it has taken me 3 months to lose 10 lbs… MAYBE I can make the 160’s in another 3 months…
But again… I KNOW that if I drank some water I’d be even lower.

I am basking in the glory of the 170’s today, because I KNOW that I will be bad in Vegas and bounce back up… but OH WELL, I’m here today.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Monday Again

It's Monday... 181 lbs. (seriously.. if I would drink some dang water I KNOW that I would be rooted in the 170's)

I am trying something new today... I bought one of those single serving Keish (sp?)

It it higher in Carbs than I'd like due to the crust (35) and its pretty dang high in calories too (390) but the protein is good (17)

I literally nibbled on this thing all morning... NOT ONE PB, so that is a definate score.. I COULD of not ate the crust... but I did anyway. I finished it about 11 a.m. and just now I had a SF pudding...... that and coffee w/ sf creamer and that has been my food consumption for the day thus far.

At home in the crock pot I have flat iron steak with beef broth and some seasonings.

In other news.....

3 more days of work and I'll be heading for VEGAS with my sis! WHOOOHOOO.....

DH and I are signed up for a CRUISE January 2009! He has never BEEN on a cruise so it should be lots of fun.. and motivation to shed this last 20-30 lbs....

Thats it for now peeps

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Pork Steak.. its whats for dinner (and lunch and breakfast)

HideeHoo there campers.....

I didn't take pics of me in my jeans but I did wear them Monday night to my KC Bandsters meeting and several people told me how skinny I was looking... I will TRY to take a pic tonight.. OK.. but for now, I will post a somwhat blurry pic of me in a DRESS that I'm taking to Vegas with me next week.....

NOTE: I am also wearing Spanx (well the Target version) I will also try to do a new video...

Monday, June 16, 2008


Scale is not budging... doesn't want me to get to the 170's...... also I'm still eating crap..... so I'm doing it to myself... BUT.. I did have an NSV.. one I will take photo's of and post maybe tomorrow.......

SIZE 10 Levis (515 Noveau Boot ).... OH YEAH... SIZE 10!!!!!!!

I still have some crazy JR size 315's that I bought off Ebay by mistake that don't fit... and are super low!!!!!!! YUCK... I like the ones that are just below the waist or mid rise..........

I am mushy and gushy (belly flab, and leg flab) but I was able to wear size 10's!!!!!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

182 today

I am DETERMINED to Make it to the 170's in two weeks time!

This is ME DRINKING watered down crystal light... (NOTE: me drinking water!)

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Water Me Please

First scale is down another of the 2 lbs gained............... so today read 184, when my prior low was 181.8 lbs.......

Also.. why am I NOT drinking water? ....... and I mean NO WATER AT ALL..... the water I've been consuming is the stuff I brew my coffee with! STUPID.. why don't I get off my ass and go to the water fountain and fill up my bottle right NOW instead of typing the words you are currently reading???????????

I am taking my youngest step son to his final consult with the surgeon this afternoon. He is having surgery tomorrow morning on both of his eyes.... (hereditary lazy eye) he is a little freaked out about having surgery but we are a bundle of reassurance.......

My son graduated PRE-K yesterday and during the final song a parent was supposed to come up and dance with their child...... So I did..... right up front ...... I followed the silly moves of the teacher.... and was the silly mom who was getting into it..... HE LOVED IT....... and I wasn't the biggest one ..... so for the first time..... I felt OK and not ashamed of my size......... major NSV.

I'm putting up a pic of my violet sistahs..... I love this shot... we were all laughing.. because Pam (our token lesbian) was giving the poor drunk guy who was taking our picture TOTAL HELL...... by the time we were done with him he was pretty sure we were all lesbians! OH IT WAS SOOOOOOOOO FUNNY! I think he popped one. :)

OK.......... so off I go....... I am going to FILL that water bottle!

Monday, May 26, 2008

Getting back on track

So, I've lost 2 of the gained pounds.. I guess that's the beauty of my band.. it's waiting patiently for me to get off my lazy ass and get back on track!

Right now its very overcast and the boys are out in the yard trying not to kill each other.. I'm on my puter getting ready to play referee.... and while I'm at it I'm going to boil some eggs for the "egg salad" that I plan to make later... (this is me getting back on track!) I was soooo close to the 170's... but now not so close.....

Oh well........ I will get there... meanwhile I'm lounging in my SIZE MEDIUM wally world pullon shapeless deniumlike shorts! OH and we spent the better part of this weekend at an indoor water park.. and I WAS NOT THE BIGGEST ONE THERE! NSV!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

OK.. so I gained....

OHHHHHHHHHH but it was so good!

Back on track today..... trying to anyway. :)

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Back from Gruene Tx!


I met all my fellow Shrinking Violets (we all met on
It started out simple enough with me posted a thread for anyone else who was to be banded in April 2007. People posted, most went on their way... but the few who stayed and posted day after day.... well..... we became close. A name was voted on and the Shrinking Violets were born.

This weekend was the culmination of a year and a half of online friendship.... and truly I think it served to bond us even further....... THIS IS MY SOURCE OF INSPIRATION and SUPPORT for my band.

Below is a quick slide show of the weekend..... (I'm missing my River pics due to it being on waterproof camera that I need to get developed)

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

HELLO!!!!!!! Back down today..... CRAZY BUSY this week... with work and preparing for a weekend girls getaway..... and to top it off I had to make a LapBand Home Video for a "thang" I'm applying for.....

I just made it... I had to do it all myself using a digital camera cause..
1. I don't have a home video camera
2. My coworker friend that was to help me got caught up in a meeting.

Later I will upload and email to the producer...... and then see if I made the cut.

One of my fellow Violet Sista's was also asked to make a video... so hopefully ONE or BOTH of us will make the cut and get invited to be in the project. (it would be SUPER cool if both made it and had a trip together for the filming)

Anywhoooo I wanted to share a FUNNY kid moment:
OK... funny kid moment........... last night while driving in the car Robby was rattling a mile a minute from the back seat. When I stopped responding to him he asked... “Mom? Mom?! Why aren't you talking MOM? Do you need to puke or something?” (I nodded my head) “Do you have puke in your mouth right Now? (I nodded my head) and reached in the back seat to feel for SOMETHING to expel into... He said.. "there is NOTHING BACK here for you to puke into!.. then he thought about it for a second and kind of huffed at me and said...... “WELL, Theres nothing I can do about it now, so your going to have to deal with it!" OMG I was trying not to crack up and have it come out my nose........

p.s.......... wearing size 10 black capri Levis today..... God.. that is SOOO good for my ego! Later Peeps

Friday, May 9, 2008

Day 5 induction

Well the no water, the chips and refried beans, the bite of the funnel cake, the half of a deep fried twinkie...... NO WATER......

You guessed it the scale bounced back up to 186..

Yeah.. it's water retention, same as the initial loss was water weight.... Still down for the week.......

It's life....... and I'm back on track today.

Started today with:

B: Coffee w/sf creamer
1 heaping spoonful of Healthy Balance Peanut butter
S: 1/2 cup cottage cheese w/pepper
L: Tuna (trying tomatoe basil variety)
D: I've got stew meat in the crock pot with onion seasoning, broth, and a few cut up potatoes for the boys.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Confession Day 4

I now know what a fried twinkie tastes like..........

damn carvivals!

Day 4 Induction

Made it to Day 4!

Today's weight 184.2 lbs!!!!

Yesterday's menu:

Pork Steak in a crock pot w/ 1 jar of ragu roasted garlic alfredo, and 1 jar of water
1 small can of sliced mushrooms.. cooked on low overnight....

B: Coffee w/sf creamer
B: Pork Steak
S: Pork Steak
L: Pork Steak (I basically ate this 1-2 bites at a time for most of the day)
D: OUT Subway, I had 3 scoops of their tuna salad over lettuce w/brown spicey mustard
S: Carb Freedom ice cream bar: 2 net carbs
S: 1 spoonful of Healthy Balance Omega blend peanut butter
60 oz's of water
1 fountain diet coke
1 glass of diet dr. pepper

I know that the induction honeymoon is coming to a close... but at least I'm nearing the 90lbs lost mark... and wouldn't it be nice if I saw 179 on the scale before I hit the post induction stall! :)

Wish me luck today friends... I am attending a funeral and the lunch afterward!
Trying to keep it strong... trying trying... its going to be hard because I KNOW DH will want to eat mexican tonight... and the attack of the chips and dip will haunt me! OK... gotta go!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Day 3 Induction

WHOOOOOHOOOOO love the "induction honeymoon"

Scale today 186.4 lbs....... new low

I haven't been down here since 2005.... and that time I didn't stay very long.

I put the pork steak in the crock pot overnight and have been happily graizing on it since this morning..... a bite or two....... chew slowly..... man it is so hard to do. It is SOOOOOO tender and delicious.. totally LC and so far band friendly!

Need to start on my water..... (I'm doing two 30 oz glasses per day, I know I need more but its a good start)

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Day 2 Induction

I made it through day one!

I got really hungry about 2p.m. so I ended up opening another can of chunk chicken, and to make sure I didn't backslide I drained the chicken juice into a baggie of cookies that I had in my desk! LOL Worked... I stayed true to plan.

I ended up having crock pot steak with a bit of ranch dressing for dinner and found myself pacing the house about 8p.m...... so I gave it up and went to my bed to watch a web episode of survivor (missed it last week due to the tornados)

So....... Good morning! I made it and now am on day 2. Scale back down to 188 lbs, hoping to see 185 by Friday. (this would put me down 2 for the week)

I did have a SBD pudding cup this morning for breakfast because it is what I had in the fridge and I needed something for my morning metabolism....... Says's its only 6 carbs but thats not including the Sugar Alcohols..... good thing I'm having tuna and chicken today! :)
Must remember my water today...... hmmmmm

Have a great day!!!!!!!

Monday, May 5, 2008

TODAY begins a new start

I have decided to go back to My LowCarb roots TODAY.... Yes, that's right, down in the written word.. Tracy is going back to eating INDUCTIONS LEVELs of carbs.

Back to Atkins basic, chapter 1, day 1, back to what has always worked for me.....

geesh........ I first heard the term Low Carb in 1999..... its when I first read the cherish words of Dr. A..... and it was the first time I actually lost a lot of weight. Now.. there are all levels of Atkins, LowCarb and Low Sugar.... so I will break it down in MY Terms.....

I AIM for less than 20 NET carbs per day (Net carbs are CARBOHYDRATE minus DIETARY Fiber)....... I don't subtract sugar alchohols and such because .. thats just too much science for me.. and SA's make me stall anyway!

So now that I am banded I have the added twist that certain of my LC favs just don't work.. and thats ok..... I can work with it.

The glorious thing is that I am not constantly fighting hunger... and my portions will be smaller so in theory.. I should drop this last 30 lbs pretty quick..... but come on.. this is Self Sabotour T talking..... I have a family dinner planned for Sunday, a girls Trip on the 16th...... and oh ya.. I am married to the KING of sweet teeth...... so I will not beat myself up over it..... but yes....

The scale bounced back up to 190 this morning (due to the salt, icecream and CRAP) I indulged in over the weekend........ oh yeah and I can't remember the last glass of water I've had..... its been all diet pop.......

So 5/5/08: 190 lbs

B: Coffee w/sf creamer (this is something I'm not willing to give up)
L: Canned chicken w/ 1 T of brown spicy mustard, 85 calories, 2 carbs, 13 protein
D: Round steak in the crock pot seasoned with Ranch dry mix and water.

I am currently as I type this half way through my first glass of water...
I am also currenlty hungry so I might have to look in my work stash for a LC snack.. but I may end up having another can of chicken..........

Lets hope for a good loss by Friday!

Friday, April 25, 2008

One year and 85 lbs later.

The time has come for me to post my long awaited 1st year bandversary entry.

What has my band meant to me? I have asked myself this question many times over the last 12 months.

I’ve come up with a laundry list of ramblings.

Preband – it represented HOPE, Anxiety, and the What if’s of life after WLS
Early Post Band – the what the heck did I do? And WHERE THE HELL IS MY RESTRICTION?
1st Fill anticipation – I AM HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where the hell is my restriction????
2nd Fill anticipation – I am hungry but not AS MUCH or as often
3rd Fill anticipation – Restriction lasts for about 3 weeks
4th Fill anticipation – OK lets clamp this puppy down!!!!!!!
5th Fill anticipation – HOLY CRAP .3 cc’s was too much fill! I am only able to smell foods and sip soup
1’st UNFILL – removal of the .3cc’s was the difference between soup and FOOD……. And is where I’m maintaining at since January 2008.
Also…. Getting an unfill and eating real food is what started the scale moving again.

Things that have amazed me:
I have POWER over my hunger.
I have actually FORGOTTEN to eat.
I CAN eat without drinking
I CAN be full on very little food.

Things that I have realized about myself: Restriction WiseI swell (get tighter) when I’m on my period or when I’m stressed
I am tighter in the mornings and more open in the evenings.
Foods that worked last week, might not work so well this week.
I can raise my hands and do a little shimmy to pop up a stuck item of food

Things that I have realized about myself: Non band
I am a stress and emotional eater.
I crave sweets around my cycle
I am pretty happy and comfy in a size 12
It scares me to HOPE for a size 8 or 10 (because it is unknown to me)
If I COULD eat pizza…….. I WOULD, so keeping a decent amount of fill is what is needed for ME not to be able to.
Dairy Queen has become my go to place for stress eating (and this is NOT a good thing)

Things that I had to overcome once banded:
Realizing that you don’t HAVE to eat multiple plates of food at a buffet in order to “get your money’s worth”
Realizing that people REALLY aren’t LOOKING at how much or how little you eat!
Realizing that you CAN keep your band a secret if you want!
Realizing that fast food joints don’t really offer much choice,
Its cheaper to order an appetizer or alacarte, or split a meal with my 4 year old.

Being banded is NOT rocket science, and for me it has worked well because I knew going in that FOR ME and MY GOALS
I needed to be in diet mode, and truth be told the scale moves when I am IN MOTIVATED DIET MODE. It stalls when I
Go to dairy queen for a small blizzard… but I don’t gain

I chose the band for its adjustability and the hopes that I will for once in my life MAINTAIN a loss!

Would I do it again? In a heartbeat
Will I be rebanded if needed in the future? In HALF a heartbeat!

My band has really given me the power over my appetite and that is priceless.

Journey with me as I enter into YEAR TWO of my banding experience!
Here are my pics:

and as I am today: Size Large shirt from Kohls, size 12 A.N.A. cords from JcPenney

Monday, April 21, 2008

A new week A new number A new new

SOOOOOO, last week I managed to go two entire days without any kind of junk... and guess what.. I bouced down to 187!!! WHOOOOHOOOOOOO

Today was bounced back up to 189, but I wasn't as strict over the weekend so I'll take it. I am going to try and stay away from the junk AND I'm going to try and get my water in. I know my body well enough to know that I'd be hovering around 182-185 if I were drinking ANY WATER AT ALL........ every professional dieter knows is a cardinal sin... (not drinking water that is)

Lets recap........... I weigh daily around 6:00 a.m. nekid and after I pee. I also try not to eat after 7:00 p.m.

When I lay down at night I am amazed at how many bones I can feel.. ribs, hips, etc... and also the amazing amount of handfuls of loose skin that is my belly...

I am determined to NOT become complacent in YEAR TWO of my banding journey!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

A plan a plan I need a plan....... a plan that I will stick to.

I am sooooooo sick of being stuck.. I hit ONEderland on 1/05/08.. and I keep bouncing from 189-192..... I think its time for me to start a traditional eating plan..... go into regular diet mode.. because obviously this last 30-40 lbs is not wanting to budge.. it is weird to think that I'm a mere 30ish pounds from goal.... surreal really.....

I can tell that my gut is getting mushy and deflated.. it is so weird.. it's like the fat is falling down and settling "down there" so much that a mons lift might be the only cure..... WIERD LOOKING.

Yesterday I wore a size 10 black levi capri, and then after work switched to a size 10 denim capri.. (both had a bit of stretch) but I felt victorious.. as those black levi capri are officially THE SMALLEST THING IN MY CLOSET PRE-BAND.. I got into them for uuuuhhhh a MINUTE the last time I lost weight... yet I was a good 15 lbs lighter than I am now.......... Today I am wearing a size 16 NONstretch Docker pant.. it is loose on the thighs but snug in the waist... go figure.... DH said my butt looked good in them... so I guess I need to quit focusing on sizes and start going for style......(which is also weird)

I have been hitting the clearance racks lately and it is so weird that more than just one or two things fit and I actually have a choice as to what looks good and then refrain from buying 1 in every color.. LOL

Today I started my day with a glass of milk.. and I'm getting ready to go make some oatmeal....... today I'm going to TRY to stay away from the junk that goes down oohhh sooo easily.

Yesterday I had:

pb cookie ok... two
1 bag of popcorn w/real butter melted all over it
a bit of beef stew broth
a bowl of peanut butter icecream on top of a piece of chocolate cake
a glass of milk

..... so yeah.. full disclosure........ there IS room for improvement :)

Monday, April 14, 2008


Trip Udate: I am booked and my sister is booked to go with me..... Flights were $468so DH opted out and my sis jumped right on board.. she was able to use FF miles so it's alllllllllllll good! GREAT actually! DH told me that my trip planning priveledges were done for 2008. Grunt Grunt.. oh well... I've got my Violets trip in May, Vegas trip in June.... got some of my Lace sisters coming in for a July get together..... I'm helping my HS 20 year reunion team with the online stuff and that will be held in October..... so yeah..... Ok.

The bad thing is...... the scale will not budge.. I bounce from 189-192... I'm telling you my body likes me at this weight/size....

Have a great day!

Thursday, April 10, 2008


I called the organizers and HOLYFREAKINGSHIT..... only 12 people have been invited to the conference. THANK YOU THANK YOU to the wonderful person who gave my name to Allergan! So.. me having a big online mouth and the willingness to show my progress in pictures (even the ones with my belly hanging out of my old jeans)..... has given me this opportunity.......... amazing...

OH and DH is onboard with the plan now.

I was so excited at lunch that I forgot to chew my food!!!!

Should I show them my signature PB move????????? (the one where I raise my hands over my head and shimmie to the left/right to pop something back up???) LOL YOu can't see me.. but I'm laughing my ass off right now!


Yesterday I recieved a FedEx overnight packet inviting me to be on the Lap-Band Patient Experience Council.. get this.. the conference is to be held in VEGAS and yes they are paying my way!!!!! I will have to be in a meeting 8-5 on Saturday and 8-Noon on Sunday…….. but HOLY CRAP BATMAN!!!

Suprisingly, my DH was NOT happy not even excited and basically tried to put down the hammer... "WE ARE NOT GOING" WTH??? EXCUSE ME???? It was a longgggg sleepless night.. and this is what I've come up with..... He is totally freaking out on my independence, confidence and overall outgoingness.... (all things that I've always been, but..... have been supressed for most of our 3 year relationship)

This goes back to my NUMEROUS trips down the scale..... the last time I lost 80lbs was right before we met...... so when I met him my butt was a size 12 and I was happy go lucky, independant and living life... part of what attracted him to me right???

Well we became involved, committed and an exclusive couple.. and I began to gain weight..... I would try to get back on the LC bandwagon and he would laugh, roll his eyes, and take me to dairy queen..... I was weak and I gained quickly.... every pound that reappeared would be like a nail in my spirit... so I was shrinking inside, depressed, mad at myself and disgusted with how weak my resolve was.... I was miserable with my fatness....... and even more so when I surpassed my previous high weight of 256..... getting on that scale at 272 was THE low point.. rock bottom..... that is why I ended it there.. I put myself on a pre op diet EARLY.. I started drinking LowCarb protein shakes with one meat meal per day....... and from April 1, to April 26 (day of surgery) I lost 19 lbs........ and its been a ride down the scale and down the sizes ever since..... I am very involved with my Shrinking Violets to the point that we are all meeting in TX in May.... (He supported me and told me to go, and so I booked my flight) He kind of passive agressively freaked out on this last weekend...

I go to my bandster support meetings and he gets a little itchy.....

NOW this.......... I'm getting healthy, looking good, excited about my band and have now been given oportunity to meet the makers of the band and maybe even shape the way its presented, produced, designed etc...... they want MY feedback and they are paying me for my opinion....... how freaking cool is that????? So maybe he's feeling a bit left behind....... a man's ego is such a sentive thing... and I've never been a wall flower.. he knew this from the start.. but maybe just maybe he is a bit threatened by it........

So this post has turned into something else... thats the way of putting thoughts down on paper.... uhhhh errrr computer

However.. I'm calling with my confirmation today....... He IS going with me..... and I've got to get right with my eating cause I'll be meeting a bunch of people from all over the US in JUNE!

Take care peeps!

Friday, April 4, 2008

Sometimes I just suck.......... I knowingly eat the wrong things that will sabotage my weight loss. How many freaking times in my life will I continue to exhibit total dumbass behaviour????

All week, I've been bouncing back up... and did I drink water? NO
Did I put down the cookies? No
Did I stay away from the cookies? Hell NO I ate them for breakfast.

See... total dumbass.

DH said I had a flat ass too........... Lovely

The good thing is (see this is me justifying my dumbass behaviour)
I am wearing a stretchy size medium pant right now, and I can breathe.....

The Sassy Ring is going away.. so I don't know who out there even reads my ramblings.. and I don't really care.. as I do this for my own venting purposes.

OH and I guess this is an NSV......... Earlier this week, I promised my son that he could ride his bike around the block... so anyway a couple times around and I decided to start RUNNING to race him down the street.... (PICK YOURSELF OFF THE FLOOR!) TRACY ACTUALLY RAN....... he was so surprised that he almost wrecked his bike.. LOL.......... don't worry it didn't last long.... but it did surprise the everlivingshit out of me!

Have a great weekend peeps!
Sweet Dreams and Smaller Jeans to you

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I was so surprised this morning………. I made it to the 180’s! (189.4 to be exact)

I hit ONEderland (199 lbs) Jan 5, 2008……… so I’ve been messing around with the same 10 lbs since that time…

This puts me at 83 lbs down in 11 months, and today I’m wearing a pair of stretchy 10’s! What a difference a year makes.

Although my band is not magic..and the concept is NOT Rocket science it sure has helped me eat less and lose weight. (and made it impossible for me to eat bread)

I went to a support group meeting last night and it really helped to re energize me… also seeing others with their struggles and successes made me realize that

My “skinny jeans” (size 12 Levis) are comfortable for me and going below them actually scares me.. I can’t wrap my head around it because I really don’t have a conscience memory of being smaller than that……. Sure when I met my first husband at age 15 I was wearing a pair of size 9/11 jeans.. but being young and stupid I don’t remember how that felt… as I’ve always been the fat one…… even when I was playing sports and toned….. I was always bigger than most of my friends and ALWAYS bigger than my sister…….

I guess, I will always be a fat girl on the inside of my head… even when the outside is “normal”… that is a scary thing to know about yourself.

We talked last night at the meeting about how people who have always been at a healthy weight, MUST have a 5 lb bell that goes off when they gain 5 or so pounds that triggers them into action……. And how people of a more obese nature… don’t hear the bell until 20-30-50 pounds have been gained….. (man that is soooo true)

The goal is to install the 5 pound bell in ME and get rid of the 50 lb bell……

Monday, March 24, 2008

Attacked by the Easter Bunny.....

I was not good over the weekend... I ate way too much.. and this big furry beast tackled me and shoved tons of horrid little colored eggs down my throat..... I tried to resist......... HONEST! ;)

The good news and somewhat amazing news.......... 190.4 lbs today..... a new low on this journey down the scale. Are the 180's on my horizon???

DH told me that my ass is getting flat........ hmmmmmmm on the good side... these are the same jeans I've been wearing since January and NOW they are fitting differently.... but to DH losing my ass is not a good thing.. as he likes my junk...

So I went shopping in search of jeans that fit........ I'm apparently between sizes.. but I was able to get into a pair of size 10 capri jeans......... but lets not kid ourselves there were TONS of 12's that I couldn't button yet! sooooo I got pissed off and didn't weigh all weekend.......... gasp...... (I am a daily weigher) so this morning I was suprised to see 190.4..........

Have a great great day!

Monday, March 17, 2008


I made my first PS consult today......... April 7th, 2008.

I feel like I'm going to puke....... not exactly sure why, nerves, excitement...
a mix really.

I am still 190ish (192 this morning) Will the doctor laugh at me because I'm not 135 lbs???? My insurance will pay for lose skin removal, but will they REALLY??? What should I fix.... arms, boobs, tummy......... all hang like disgusting anchors... how much will surgery REALLY help? Will fixing that just point out how hideous my legs have become???? Where will it stop? The pain after surgery... the time off work needed........ What will I tell my boss??? after all he doesn't know I'm even banded...... ok.. so I have 3 weeks before my consult....... should I go strict LC and drop 10 lbs before hand????????? What does it feel like to not have a belly?

OK....... again with the puking feeling

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I'm BACK!!!!

Whew... the "wedding" and "honeymoon" is over......... I told dh.. ok this is the LAST TIME I'M MARRYING YOU! LOL ;) It went really well and the worst part is the drive from KS to Daytona FL.... (I DETEST ATLANTA TRAFFIC!)

I have been a bad bandster......... Dairy Queen Rehab here I come! I'll have to start tomorrow because what I've ate today has been....

COFFEE w/ sf creamer
1 pack of 100 cal oreo chips
1 mediumm dairy queen shake

THAT IS IT!!!!!!!!!!! No water, no protein, nuthin.......

Thursday, February 21, 2008

I think my body is shifting again

I'm bouncing from 190-194......... and my clothes are fitting oh so much better than a month ago........ the size large sweaters that I bought at Christmas... a bit too tight to be comfy are now perfectly loose. I'm getting comments left and right that I look slimmer and skinny.

I feel better...... I had my hair done up, getting tan for the wedding and all that... I FEEEEEEEL good... I FEEEEEEEL sexy........

I've been standing in front of the mirror naked lately pulling at my skin to see what I'd look like without my deflated belly....... DH says I'm obsessed with surgery shows... like Big Medicine, PS befores and afters and ......... weight loss in general. (I'm a HUGE HUGE HUGE fan of Biggest Loser!) I have been close to spilling my secret at work..... because there are so many here that could benefit from it, and our insurance covers it...... but the person has to be ready.. and so I've been only telling the TWO people who have approached me about it. (I'm the Benefits person at work)

I have one week til the official wedding celebration...... then we are off to Daytona for a Bike Week honeymoon.... DH is a bike week virgin and he has no idea.... awwwwwwwwwwwweeeee it will be nice to show him. I like Sturgis better, but FL in March is far better than Kansas and plus there is the Ocean.

It will be good for me...... remaking memories with my new husband..... because all my memories of bike vacations were made with my first husband...... the one I grew up with (17 years together).. I don't talk about him much because our split really screwed me up...... and has caused all the poor suckers after him to suffer the baggage he left..(I became a pretty jaded man hater for a while)...... the one good thing I got out of our divorce was my son.... the psyco rebound guy that gave him to me .... not so much! :) but all that is a closed chapter... I have a new life, I have a spirited light in my son, I have my new husband and his three boys.. my dh has apdopted my son and we all have the same name, same goals, same life ethics, and same shared loved for each other and our boys...... growth and maturity is a wonderful thing to experience... even if the ride was bumpy.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

OK, I'm going t to try and embed this video from a fellow bandsters blog......
This is chickie she has lost 190lbs and has the band.....
at the end she really gets to the point of why I've posted this here...
its kind what I'm ALREADY feeling from some newbies (and I'm at 191 lbs) .....

well crap, I can't get it....... click on Chickies World and view her video or click on this link.

Striving For Mediocrity In A World Of Excellence (Otherwise known as Diary of a Drama Quee#links

Friday, February 15, 2008

192 means 80 lbs down

I'm thrilled to be at 80lbs lost, but a little sad that I'm still 20 lbs away from my lowest weight a few years ago.......... I had really done it up good with the last regain.

I'm still sick so maybe thats why I'm coming off a tad meloncholy... my throat really really hurts and I've not been able to eat anything of substance......... I'm forcing myself to stay away from the icecream that would go down oh so easy and make my throat feel good...... its hard.

Anyway....... 180's here I come!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Teasing me at 194

I am sick, I have not drank any water in 2 days....... bad Tracy!

Today I will do better......

I am not hungry right now, but my stomach is making noises.....

To paraphrase a line in "The Devil Wears Prada"

"I am merely ONE STOMACH VIRUS AWAY from making goal!" LOL not really, but it does linger in my mind.......

Have a great day....... and DRINK THAT WATER

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

197 today

drat.. I'm in need of some inspiration so I'm going to post some more pics. This group photo is a flash from my past... 2000.. girls only bike trip

Belinda, Tracy, Carol & Deb (then)
I had lost 80lbs for the 2nd time and was in a size 14 jean here.
Below... I was teasing Carol about her new perky girls!

Since that time...... Carol and B have had the RNY and TT's....... both have fought against regains but these are recent pics and they look awesome!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Monday again!

Well.. in the last week I've bounced from 200.2 down to 195lbs!!!!!!!! So I'm claiming the lower number till the next time.

Water really affects my weight........

Also, I can eat as much hot buttered popcorn as a I want........ (this is not good)

I don't really have anything to say, but I needed to post something so that you all wouldn't think I've disapeared.............

5 weeks from today I will be in sunny (I hope) Daytona FL.... and HOPEFULLY down 6-10 more pounds..... but I doubt it.

This was me 3 years ago in Daytona on the boardwalk with my bike........ I was in the 180's then too.......... (the end of my last trip down the scale)
I can not tell you how many times in the last 3 years that this pic made me cry.... as I was SOOO far away from it..... not this year... THIS YEAR I'm BASICALLY RIGHT BACK to 2005.
Yeah.. I pissed away 3 years, but not so much..... I am back and this time its for good!
I can't wait to post the 2008 pose.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Happy MLK Day

No school for the kidlings, No daycare open, No boss = me MUST be at work... hassle hassle.
Scale bounced up a few. I expected it.

I have found that since my tiny unfill (.3cc) that I can eat food, so I AM........
Yesterday I had tater tot casserole and dairy queen...... NOT A SMART MOVE, but honest.

So..... this morning after I had weighed and I was in the shower thinking about the day before me... the famous words..... "I have a dream" came to mind...... I HAVE A DREAM TO SEE 150 lbs........ hell, I have a dream to see 160 ANYTHING.

So... Tracy can eat food again........... so how do I achieve this dream WHILE eating food?

By getting back to my roots.... NO NOT HAIR COLOR!

My dieting roots........ LowCarb.

Let me clarify: ATKINS INDUCTION LEVELS to me mean.
I AIM for 20 carbs a day.... that NET carbs (carbs - dietary fiber=net carbs)

Oh and I refuse to count the carbs in my coffee, but I do use SF creamer and no other sweetener.

I started the day out good......
Coffee w/sf creamer
Breakfast: OhYeah Wafers (210 cal, 6 net carbs)

Lunch: I kind of freaked out because nothing in my office stash can be considered TRUE LowCarb (WC oatmeal, HealthyChoice Soup, Cambels Tomato Soup) Not one of these choices would keep me under 20 carbs.... perplexed.. I posted on lbt, filled up my 1 liter water bottle and re-evaluated my choices while drinking it......... afraid of blowing it..... afraid of the big 2 on the scale........ hmmmmmm

1 liter down, and still feeling actual hunger pains (hadn't had hunger pains in a LONG time) I decided that I would opt for a second round of OhYeah wafers......Safe.. I don't have to leave my office, and won't even stick my head into the break room......... so
Lunch: Another round of OhYeah, 210 calories, 6 net carbs.

Working on my 2nd liter of water as I type this........

Dinner: GOD HELP ME.. is still TBA!


Have a good one peeps!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Raining w/a Chance of Snow

Blahhhhhhhhhh Winter be gone already!

Ok....... so the last two days I've managed to get in 3 liters of water during work... I have also managed to eat PERFECT at work. Once I get home its a different story.. the struggle begins.

Last night.... DH brought home THREE kinds of ice cream... Dibs, IceCream Sandwhiches, and Regular......... I caved, I felt guilty, I watched the Biggest Loser while eating it, I felt like a big fat fake............. so what did I do, I went into the kitchen and started eating ritz crackers topped with real butter. EMOTIONAL EATING SUCKS. BL was two hours long so I did manage to do some leg lifts, lunges and stretches....... but not enough to undo the damage.

This my friends is my DANGER ZONE... I have been at this juncture so many frickin times in my life......... call it complacency, call it self sabotage, call it being a dumb ass....... EACH and EVERY SINGLE TIME I get in the 180-199 lb range I backslide, then once I hit the big "2" I am in a all out spiral back UP the scale. I am writing this in a public blog because...

THIS TIME I HAVE HELP, (my crazy ass nadine, my band)

This is WHY I chose the band......

Coffee w/sf creamer
Weight Control Oatmeal w/2% milk

3 liters of water is the goal

Breakfast for dinner (eggs, bacon)

Have a great day peeps!

Monday, January 14, 2008

OK... time for getting serious

Water, Water, Water.... I must drink water!

Closing in on my 2nd liter of water.........
What I've had today:

Coffee w sf creamer
1 spoon of peanut butter
OhYeah Wafers (breakfast)

1/2 cup of taco meat mixture (ground pork, beans, cheese and salsa)

At home in the crockpot..

Chicken breast, diced tomatoes, and italian seasons.........

GOAL: Stay AWAY from the Girl Scout Cookies~~~
GOAL: Drink 3 liters of water
GOAL: Get to 189 by March 1st
GOAL: Get the invitations Done
GOAL: Dont kill the 12 year old for going to the nurses office for the 4th day in a row!

Saturday, January 5, 2008


I can not even begin to explain to the skinny biotchs out in the world how much this means to me........ unless you've struggled over 200 lbs you won't get it, but to ALL my kin who do!
Can I get an AMEN????????? shakeit shakeit shakeit

Friday, January 4, 2008

Bit the bullet and had an UNfill

I had to face the fact that I was too tight!

I was scolded for letting it go so long, but dang it........ I wanted ONEderland,
they took out the amount of my last fill, which was a minute .3cc's and I can already tell that it has helped! It is amazing to me that such a little amount can make the difference between milk gurgling back up and not. (yes, I actually had problems if I drank my milk too fast)

It is a hard fact to face.. I mean.. I KNOW that being too tight can cause problems and will cause you NOT to lose weight... but it is hard when you are staring at the damn scale and it REFUSES to go to ONEderland........... (speaking of which...... 200.4 today) INSERT CUSS WORDS HERE

I want to thank those of you who have sent me messages or made comments, I truly didn't think anyone but ME read this thing....... :)

I hope to make ONEderland next week...... but who am I kidding... I want it TOMORROW!

Sweet Dreams and Smaller Jeans!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008


I bounced to 202 this morning........ maybe a bit much JUNK mixed with a few DRINKS and ofcourse the REAL culprit.... NO WATER.

SO...... today is goin to be a WATER day..and I'm doing good right now... nearing 40oz for the day.

Also, I'm cutting out the crap today and hopefully for the next two months. I'm going to try and shed 15-20 lbs before the official "wedding" March 1st.

Water and No Crap eating...... and hopefully Tracy will be a skinny 180.

Today's food:

coffee w/sf creamer

1 protien slam (jello shot like)

100 cal, 0 carb, 0 sugar, 27 protien

Lunch will be an OHYeah wafer, or maybe soup......
Sweet Dreams and Smaller Jeans!