Saturday, December 29, 2007
SO CLOSE...... but still 2something.
Some peeps on my LBT Violet thread were talking about naming our bands......
BillyBadAss, WIT aka whateverittakes, UpChuck, Bluto........ funny and poinant.... mine is named Crazy Nadine......... its a family name for me... my hard of hearing grandpa thought that my dad gave me a hippy name of "crazy" so in that side of the family it was my name....., later my neice Erica got a hold of the name and to her I was Crazy Nadine, after her uncle and I divorced no one really called me it anymore.. and so I am naming my band "crazy nadine" because she is fickle and picky, and my little silicone fist that shows me who is boss......... and the best thing I've ever done 100% for myself!
So then in my last post I was obsessing about maybe being too tight.....
today not so much. We took the boys to the movies. They all wanted to see
the Chipmunks..... (I tried telling them it was sold out) but no luck.. we watched the
singing rodents...... my 4 year old got bored by the end, but he did love it..
My point......... I had a kiddee combo........ tiny dt pepsi, fruit snack, and hot butter movie popcorn...... I ate the entire thing..... it took well over an hour but how AMAZING.. my band likes popcorn........ so NO ONEderland for me tomorrow I'm sure, but soon...
The more fastenating and aweinspiring thing is that pre band I would of had a mega combo W/refills! I'm going to eat lightly and smartly tonight and hope for the best tomorrow.
Have a great Saturday people!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
First thing......... scale said 202 this morning! officially 70 lbs down from April 1, 2007..... I'm glad I'm happy... I'm almost in ONEderland..... but I think I may have to face facts that with my last tweaker fill (.3 cc's) I am too tight..... I don't know... I need to evaluate what exactly I'm eating and how fast. I've been eating mostly soups....... soups laced with crackers. I did eat some rotel dip w/ chips on Christmas eve, and yesterday I had mashed potatoes w/brown gravy...
I had a pretty violet PB last week on a very tender bbq meatball that had been in the crock pot all day...... It scared me. It was not a normal little PB (it was violent retching that hurt) hurt my port area and I went to bed with a heating pad. I haven't felt any pain since, but now I'm freaked out............ I need to get away from all the holiday sweets, and REALLY evaluate what I'm eating. I know that I do need more protein, to which my dh says he's got the answer...... :)
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWe.......... :) I do need to decide....... am I eating 1/2 cup of food and staying full???????? (IF I answered this truthfully, yes 1/2 -1 cup of food IS all I'm eating)
The filling out of a deviled egg with a cracker COULD ball up and clog the ol band... did I suck the filling out of 4 deviled eggs????? is that a half cup??? All questions that I need to consider really consider before messing with my restriction.......... because right now it kicks ass!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Not much to write this week because the scale is not budging 203.8 it said this morning ... ticks me off, but I know its because I've been eating the crumbly goodness of Holiday sweets. (the good thing is... I'm eating 1 thing and NOT an entire PLATTER) the beauty of the band.....
I'm doing well, and I'm oh so happy to be looking like the pic to the left rather than the sad sap I was a year ago. I keep telling myself that if I lose slowly then maybe my belly and my knee's will "snap" back instead of look deflated, but who am I kidding????? My belly has NEVER been snappable! :)
My friend B was up a couple weeks ago and we enjoyed a most fabulous weekend... she's 5 or so years out from having the RNY.... the major difference between her eating and mine....
We went out for Cheesecake and Coffee......... mine went down fine, hers sent her into a major Dumping episode...and she NEVER dumps...... she ate bread, I didn't even dare try it. :)
SWEET DREAMS AND SMALLER JEANS!
Friday, December 7, 2007
Thursday, December 6, 2007
I'm so happy......
scale is continuing to bounce from 205-209......... today = 206 lbs..........
Monday, December 3, 2007
I realized its because I am no longer able to STRESS EAT... with this last fill I am no longer able to cram shit down my throat because of life events...... When I do.. it is not satisfying and I end up over the toilet spitting it out. Finding a new outlet for my stress is something I must do. Because me being a total irrational biotch to those I love and work with will not cut it.......
The obvious answer is exercise........... but come on let me be real....... I haven't developed the love affair with exercising that oh so many have...... I don't ever see me having an orgasm over a good brisk run.... I wish. LOL
OK... so I'm going to post a pic from Last December...... It was taken at my sons skating party and I thought I looked pretty cute until I saw the following pic......... I wasn't even at my heaviest yet...... Also a pretty embarassing thing happened at this party...... I got down on the floor in the center of the rink to re tie my son's skate, and I could NOT get my fat ass up.... The skates kept moving out from under me and I had to ask a little size 0 teeny bopper to help me up......... she freaked out thinking that I had fallen, she asked if she needed to call someone.. I said NO.. just give me a hand....(this completely tore down any piece of confidence I had) I was the fat mom who had a young outgoing spirit in a fat waddling body.......... that version of me is gone....... I'm getting there...... BRING ON THE DAMN SKaTES!
December 2, 2007........
Wearing my beloved size 12 Levis and a Size Large Shirt
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Scale this morning 206 lbs (1 more Turkey Weekend pound to go)
I WILL see Onederland by Christmas.. this is my goal... but I suck at goals! :)
I made a crock pot chicken catchetorie thing yesterday and although the meat was super tender I didn't eat much of it because I got really irritated with all the chewing.. (SPEED EATING ISSUE) so I ate the veggie sauce and about half of a baked potato.....
People ask what is the hardest thing about being banded......
I guess the fact that your brain must continue to be in "diet mode". Diet Mode, Diet Mode, Diet MODE......... my entire life has been in DIET MODE....... it sucks... but that is me.....
The easiest thing about being banded............
I actually get full after 1 taco or 1/2 bowl of oatmeal.......... the fact that it is 10:30 a.m. and I've not had anything yet to eat today and I am not flopping around on the floor like a fish out of water.. (Yeah, I know its not good for my metabolism to not eat in the morning) The FREEDOM FROM CONSTANT HUNGER....... well it's almost orgasmic.
OK>>>> all for now
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
CUT THE CRAP DAY(s)......... So today is CTC day.... so far I'm doing OK.
After my tweaker fill yesterday... I've been on liquids... Today (SO FAR) I've had
Coffee w/sf creamer
About HALF of my bowl of Turkey Pot Pie Soup..... (I dumped most of the chunks in the trash)
ONE glass of Crystal Light.. (I really need to drink more water/crystal light)
and if I'm really honest.. I did have a tiny nibble of a peanutbutter cornflake cookie this morning..... (this is the CRAP I'm trying to steer clear of) but otherwise so far so good.
I've read that restriction is a funny thing and sometimes just messing with your fill can take away great restriction... I will know if my SWEET spot is back tomorrow when I try something other than soup.....
Guess what......... I've been banded 7 months........ I still feel like I'm learning my band.. and I'm trying to wrap my head around being smaller than a size 12.
I'm pretty happy in my 12's and that means this is my danger zone of complacency... now is usually the time when I start spiraling out of control jumping off the Atkins plan that I know works so well for me.................
OH well.. time to get back to the daily grind.....
Monday, November 26, 2007
I KNEW I was going in for a fill today, so I pushed the envelope over the weekend... why do I do this to myself? Why did I eat everything EXCEPT turkey? (I knew turkey would get stuck)
Old habbits of entitlement creep in...... I knew my ass would be getting clamped down again so dammit I ATE the cornflake cookies and the biscuits and gravy......... LOTS and LOTS of gravy.
Cheat the band.... I am the smartest dumbass you will ever read! :)
I'm not really that mad at myself... because my little silicone fist is still in me, still there waiting patiently to tell me that she is the boss............ and I am on liquids for 36 hours... Tomatoe soup and a protein bullet is on my menu for tonight.
Even though my scale told me of my failure, my doc was more than pleased with my overall progress........ and my size 24 jeans have long since gone to goodwill and the size 12's that I picked up for myself on black friday look mightly fine on me today...... albeit a little tighter than they would of been last week........
The best part is KNOWING that by Spring time....... they too will be in the goodwill pile!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
On a Band Front................ I finally broke my stall....... this morning I weighed 205lbs........ 3 more and I hit -70........ and the best part...... I am wearing (as I type this) my last pair of size 12 levis that I had in my closet............... WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOO!
Yeah, I still have those size 14 dockers that won't fit yet, but I'm not dwelling on it... I have a brand new w/tags pair of size 10 Levis (same style that I love) waiting for me.... dam.. me with a size 10 butt????????????? I can't imagine... because although I've been this size (12) before as last as 2005............... the last time I was in size 10, I was 15 years old... and at that time I was still considered fat....... (Diary of the FAT Sister should be my autobiography)
Next head goal is 202lbs then the ever ellusive ONEderland! Thing is my restriction has really loosened up with this last whoosh.. so I will be getting a tweaker fill the week after Thanksgiving, and I'm hoping that fill hold me til June 08 or so... truth is I do have restriction, but not as much, and I'm getting my last fill for the calendar year (Insurance thang).
OK............ Have a great TURKEY day! Try to stay on YOUR plan and try to stay OUT of the bathroom! ;)
Wishing you Sweet Dreams and Smaller Jeans!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
I am trying to drink at least ONE 2liter of Crystal Light each day....... (today is day two of it)
Hoping to get the scale moving downward once again.
I am also eating more than I had been previously... I still have good restriction but I can eat more than 1 cup of food......
This is day 4 of CUTTING THE CRAP out of my diet! (meaning...... NO HALLOWEEN CANDY)
I really wanted to be in ONEderland by Turkeyday, but at this rate I am not going to make it.....
The good news is that I am looking and feeling better than I have in a long time!
Tracy signing off........... and still loving my band! :)
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Friday, October 12, 2007
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Yup... the big 38 today....
My boss is taking me to lunch so I'm opting for Applebees soup and salad..... He wanted to go to the Chinese Buffet!!!!!!! (No way!) The ONLY thing my band will let me eat there is the egg drop soup and the center of a crab rangoon.
I was able to button my OTHER pair of size 14 Levis last night! YIPPEE
As a birthday present to myself I hit Victoria Secret online and bought something for the girls! ;)
Have a great day!
Monday, October 1, 2007
I've heard all over cyberville about these "OhYeah" Wafers and how good they are..... So last weekend I went in search of them......... 4 GNC's later I finally did. I bought them and a protien Slammer......... something like a jello shot with 27 or 42 grams of protein per tube.
OMG the OhYeah! are SERIOUSLY delish (for a protein bar) They do have a tiny bit of a sawdust taste, but I've tried just about every LowCarb protien bar out there and these are by far the BEST! I usually eat a SouthBEachDiet protien bar, but these are FAR FAR BETTER... so take that as you will.
Did ya catch that?????????? I actually got my lazy ass out of bed and to the gym at 4:30 a.m. this morning!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
I also hit a milestone of my own on Friday and managed to hold it over the weekend..
I hit the "teens". Also I am wearing a dress today....... who IS this person I'm becoming?
I feel like one of the "afters" on What Not to Wear! Dresses are not my thing.... especially one that doesn't stop at my ankles!
Friday......... I had a good day...... it seemed like EVERYONE at work picked Friday to notice that I'm losing weight........ Must of been what I was wearing because even the old guys in Maintenance noticed....... weird, but good.
I have also noticed a big change in my finger nails and my hair....... I am not getting enough protein, I have GOT to fix it.
Also, I was scheduled for a fill appointment today but I gave it up because my restriction is holding steady. My next apt. is 10/22/2007... I'm really hoping to be down 10-15 lbs... by then
Please Santa, ONEderland by Christmas!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
Also included are services, supplies or charges for the correction of complications arising from weight control procedures, such as procedures to reverse any restrictive or diversion ary procedures and such reconstructiove procedures as may be neccessitatied by the weight loss produced by these covered restrictrive or diversionary procedures. Examples of such reconstructive procedures include, but are not limited to, abdominal panniculectomy, and removal of excessive skin from arms, legs or other areas of the body!
THIS MEANS THAT I’m GETTING a TT and arms done after I LOSE THIS WEIGHT! Holy crap!!!!!
I detest setting goals.. but I really want to hit ONEderland by Christmas...
By Thanksgiving would be awesome, but I don't want to set myself up for failure, so I'm saying Christmas.
I have a pair of Old Navy Ultra Low Fit size 16 capri length jeans that I can almost wear again.... those and my size 14 mid rise levis (not the ones in the pics) are sooooooooo close. After NOT being able to button them I put on the Levis I posted NSV pics in just to make sure that I can REALLY button and zip them... and yes... I can still do it... even a bit easier than last week. They are still not comfy enough to wear out of the house but very gratifying....... It is so nice to be able to shop in my closet, but even nicer to actually buy something new.. that will be a ONEderland treat for myself.
I've decided that I'm getting my ass back to the gym next week.... I MUST I MUST!
Have a great day....
Drink your water!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
No meetings today
No special visitors
Just your average everyday Thursday and I decided to wear a monkey suit.........
Who is this person?
The person who has 5 pairs of capri length pull on pants in varying colors.. and wears them religiously day after day............
I also put product in my hair and wore it down today......
I even wore lipstick...... Who IS this person?
This is the Tracy that I've missed for so long... the one who actually CARES about her
appearance. The one who actually feels good about herself again.....
Oh........ and the one that can FIT into the monkey suit again.
Losing it ONE MORE TIME BABY!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
There was a girl who weighed 279 (I started at 272) Man oh man... I was big.
The best part is knowing I will never be that size again.
Today I MUST drink my water!
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
I love the old geezer, but dam it he is such an ass...........
1. He does not know I'm banded.
a. Wouldn't understand it.
b. Would want to talk about it every minute of every day
c. Would tell me what I SHOULD be doing.... grrrrrrrr
d. Would turn into the BIGGEST PAIN IN MY ASS
2. He is 60+ years old.... never been divorced, never been a smoker, is basically in HIS mind near perfect........ and did I mention a pain in my ass at times when we disagree as he can be very judgemental.
OK.... so I had started going to the gym... but I have slacked off...
He asks me EVERY STINKING DAY..
Trace: You go work out this morning?
Then I say.. "No, not this morning"
To which I get a daily lecture.... annoying
So he tells me that he is almost down to 250, as he pats his belly and laughs... only one more pound... I really hit that tread mill this morning!
I finally tell him that I'm down 53 lbs as of April 1st.......... he looks at me disbelieving.....
53 lbs! Nawwwwwwwww! 53 Really?????
Yes Dan 53lbs... I had regained all my weight and added 20...
"Well OFCOURSE I NOTICED YOU REGAINED ALL YOUR WEIGHT only a DOPE wouldn't of noticed THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!" What ya eating there? Oatmeal???
Gee Thanks asshole
It is so weird to not be hungry all the time. Never in my life and I MEAN NEVER have I ever "forgotten" to eat. You hear skinny people say this all the time.
I always thought in my mind... "YEAH RIGHT!" Also you would hear it when people get sick they lose weight........ NOT ME.... so to be sitting here right now forcing myself to eat some Weight Control Oatmeal when I not hungry in the least... well it seems obsurd.
Yesterday I attended a seminar and I didn't eat ANYthing until 2:00 p.m. simply because I hadn't really thought about it and I was busy... is this another NSV? Is it a miracle? YES, you betcha.
I would say that I am indeed at my sweet spot of restriction. I am a daily weigher and on Sunday I saw 220.8 lbs on my scale.......... down from 272 April 1st 2007. I DID have a bad day of graizing as we were at a family function and I literally ate all day..... I spent the day miserable but picking... old habbits are so hard to break........... I did bounce up 4 pounds , but then this morning I'm back down 3lbs, so I'm hoping to see the teens later this week.
It is so funny how people from my cyber life pop into my RL thoughts at the weirdest times.... for instance.. Danyele (the pin up girl) I don't know her personally, but I first remember her posting on the LCF website and was interested when I started seeing her post about her impending surgery... and now look at her! I read her blog weekly and yesterday I thought of her when I got my hair cut........... the words.. "MORE PRODUCT" came to mind.. something she wrote after her new hair do................. Daneyle if you read this..... YOU HAVE BEEN A REAL INSPIRATION! and heck its how I even learned about the Sassy WLS ring.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
I document everything in pics....
Today is no exception.
I have these well worn size 14 NON-Stretch Levis that I've had for about 7 years...
I love them... I especially love them when they are baggy...
anyway.. I've been trying them on every week for the last two months or so...
Late July, I got them up over my hips but there
was no amount of sucking or stuffing that would allow them to button.... I made it my august
goal to get them buttoned by Labor Day....... I'm a few days late, but by God they buttoned AND zipped this morning............ no I can't breathe.... but breathing is over rated RIGHT?
I LOVE MY BAND!
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
If I were toooooooo restricted I would not be able to eat the solids and that would require that I get a slight unfil, but I can eat solids so its just the mental issue of only eating a tiny portion. I have decided that I'm going to have to really think about a protein shake in the morning as I'm supposed to get 64 grams of the stuff in during the day. I could eat most any type of food prior to this last fill.
Prior to first fill, (after initial healing time of liquids and mushies) I ate ANYTHING.. also known as BANDSTER HELL.
Second Fill: Thin crunch pizza crust
Third Fill: Maybe a bite of the very brown crunchy crust.
Fourth FILL: FORGET ABOUT IT! :)
Here is a pic of my scars 2 days afer surgery
Below is an actual picture of my band. I asked the doc to take this for me and after he laughed he complied!